there was a trapeze. enough said
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
