The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
