I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
It was like giving head to a cactus.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
