Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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