I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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