Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
