he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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