she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
