Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
