Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
