i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
