When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
