We're facebook friends in real life
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
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