i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
