Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
