Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
