Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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