Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
