you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize