She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
