i jhust puked up my retainher.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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