I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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