A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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