And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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