some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
