So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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