Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize