she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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