two words...techno handjob
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
