He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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