What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
