What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
the gays at disneyland are vicious
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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