I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
