I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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