I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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