tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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