farters have to be the big spoon...
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You pole danced in your parka.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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