You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
