i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Of course I have a pirate flag
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
