He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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