The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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