There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Randomize
