How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
