I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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