The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
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Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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