am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
