You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
If I die, sorry about rent.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
