I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
