summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
