Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
