If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
