Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
