Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
