Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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