I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
