On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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