hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
