you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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