Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
