We're like a lot better than the average bears
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
