I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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