Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
