textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
