My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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