I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
there was a trapeze. enough said
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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