it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
