i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
