Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
