Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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