sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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