My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
So. Much. Porn.
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