A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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