wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
