Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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