Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
