You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
