If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
