You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
