Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
